i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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