i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
