I need help removing her.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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