you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
