Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
