Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
