Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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