I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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