32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
