just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
