just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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