I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
