i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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