and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
