so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
