seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
