we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
