Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
