everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
