Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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