worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
