I want you more than these girls want KFC
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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