If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
