Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
