I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you had me at cake vodka
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
