...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
