I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
