Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
