he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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