the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
