She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
