was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
