just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
