Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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