I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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