I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
