It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm passing your future prison.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
