just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
