Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
