Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
