you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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