At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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