Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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