Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
