i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
