at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
