If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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