season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
