So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
