he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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