I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
