bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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