i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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